When Your First Baby Starts Kindergarten: It's Okay If You're Not Okay

There is something about sending your first child off to kindergarten that feels different.

You may have been preparing for this moment for years. You've bought the backpack, gotten the supplies together, picked out the first-day outfit, and practiced the morning routine. You've talked about making friends, listening to the teacher, and having a great day.

And yet, when the moment actually arrives, you may find yourself thinking:

"Wait... Are we really ready for this?"

As a therapist, I spend a lot of time helping children and families navigate transitions. I talk with parents about their worries, reassure them that their children will adjust, and remind them that big changes can bring about big feelings.

But here's the thing...

I am a mom, too—and I am anxious.

As my first child gets ready to start school, I find myself experiencing many of the same emotions I see parents bring into my office every day. I'm excited for all the new experiences ahead, but I'm also nervous. I'm wondering if my child will be okay.

Will they know where to go? Will they make friends? Will they feel comfortable asking for help? Will they know what to do if they feel overwhelmed? Will they have a good day?

And, if I'm being completely honest, I'm also wondering how I am going to handle it.

Maybe you can relate.

This Is a Big Transition for Parents, Too

We talk a lot about preparing children for kindergarten, but we don't always talk about the fact that parents are going through a transition, too.

For years, you have been your child's safe place. You've been there for the scraped knees (or "boo-boos," as my kids call it), the bedtime stories, the big feelings, the tantrums, the first words, the first steps, and all the little moments in between.

And now, you're being asked to hand them over to someone else for a large part of their day.

Of course that feels emotional and overwhelming.

Your child is growing. They're becoming more independent. They're entering a new chapter—and while that is something to celebrate, it can also feel like a loss.

You can be incredibly proud of your child and still feel sad.

You can be excited for them and still feel anxious.

You can know that they are ready and still not feel ready yourself.

All of those feelings can exist at the same time.

And Then There's the Mental Load...

Let's also talk about the mental load that comes with sending your first child to school.

Because it's not just the emotional part.

It's all the stuff you suddenly have to remember.

What time do I have to have them ready for the bus? What time do I even need to wake them up?

What time do I need to be in the car rider line so they aren't late? What if they get upset and have a hard time separating from me?

What do I pack for school?

Did I remember to put everything in their backpack? What if I forget something important?

How am I supposed to remember to pack their lunch every night/morning? What will I pack for their lunch?

What time do they need to go to bed?

And how exactly am I supposed to transition my child, who is used to going to bed after 10:00 p.m., into an earlier bedtime and an early morning wake-up?

Then there's the emotional part.

How do I make this transition as easy as possible for my child? How do I help take some of their anxiety off their shoulders? How do I make sure they feel safe, confident, and supported?

And, of course, there's the other stuff I find myself worrying about.

Will my child behave?

Will they listen to their teacher?

Will they make friends?

Will they know how to handle conflict?

Will they be able to share?

Will they be kind?

Will they call their fellow classmates "butts" or "meanies"?

But seriously...

This is only a fraction of the mental load that my mama brain has been ruminating on in the days leading up to this big change.

And I know I'm not alone.

So many parents are carrying this invisible list of things they need to remember, plan, prepare, and worry about—all while trying to make sure their child feels excited and confident about this new chapter.

Sometimes, we're managing our own anxiety while simultaneously trying to make sure our children don't absorb it.

That's a lot.

You Are Not "Overreacting"

If you're feeling emotional about your child's first day of school, you are not being dramatic. You are not being overly anxious. You are not failing to "let go."

You're a parent who loves your child deeply.

It is completely normal to wonder how your child will navigate this new experience. It's normal to worry about whether they'll be happy, safe, included, and supported.

The goal isn't to eliminate those worries. Instead, we can acknowledge them without allowing them to take over.

Sometimes, we have to remind ourselves:

"My child is entering a new chapter, but I am still their safe place."

"My child doesn't have to know everything on the first day."

"It's okay if there are some hard days."

"My child can learn, grow, and adjust—and I'll be there to support them through it."

Give Yourself Grace, Too

We spend so much time preparing our children for kindergarten that we sometimes forget to prepare ourselves.

Give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up.

If you cry after drop-off, that's okay.

If you feel relieved to have a quiet morning, that's okay, too.

If you find yourself staring at pictures of your child throughout the day crying, you're not alone.

And if you're counting down the minutes until you can pick them up and hear all about their day...well, welcome to the club.

As for me, I'm going to be taking my own advice.

I'm going to remind myself that my child is capable. That they are loved. That they are ready to grow. And that even though I may feel anxious, I don't have to let my anxiety become theirs.

Because kindergarten is not just a big milestone for our children.

It's a big milestone for us as parents, too.

So, to all the parents sending their first baby off to school this year: Take a deep breath. Give yourself grace. Let yourself feel all of it. Feel ALL the feels.

It's okay to be excited.

It's okay to be nervous.

It's okay to cry.

It’s okay to not know everything.

And it's okay to be a little anxious.

We're figuring this out right alongside them.

And somehow, I have a feeling that we're all going to be okay.