Are You a Bucket Filler?
The other day, my daughter came home from school with a simple activity that got me thinking. She had colored a little bucket and on the bottom this was written across it:
“I am a bucket filler.”
It was a sweet classroom activity, but the idea behind it is one that I think all of us—children and adults alike—could use a little reminder of.
What Does It Mean to Be a Bucket Filler?
The idea of being a “bucket filler” comes from the concept that everyone carries an invisible bucket that represents their emotional well-being. When we are kind, encouraging, thoughtful, and caring toward someone else, we can help fill their bucket.
A bucket can be filled with things that may seem small:
A genuine compliment
Offering help
Simply sending a “thinking of you” text
Including someone who feels left out
Saying “thank you”
Helping someone who is struggling
Listening when someone needs to talk
Giving someone a hug
Offering encouragement
Saying something kind instead of something hurtful
Celebrating someone else's accomplishments
Telling the store cashier "I hope you have a great day” or anyone for that matter
These moments may seem insignificant to us, but they can mean so much to someone else.
And the beautiful thing about being a bucket filler is that we often fill our own bucket in the process.
What Is an “Empty Bucket”?
An empty bucket doesn't necessarily mean that someone is a bad person. Sometimes our buckets become empty simply because life is hard.
We can feel emotionally drained when we're stressed, overwhelmed, lonely, disappointed, angry, or struggling with something that others can't see. When our own bucket feels empty, it can become much harder to fill someone else's.
Sometimes, when our buckets are empty, we may also unintentionally “dip” into someone else's bucket by:
Saying something hurtful
Yelling or speaking harshly
Excluding someone
Being unkind
Constantly criticizing
Making someone feel less than
Taking our frustration out on someone else
Having an overall negative attitude or outlook on life
Again, the important thing to remember is that having an empty bucket doesn't make us a bad person.
It means we may need to pause and figure out what we need.
You Can't Pour From an Empty Bucket
This is where the bucket analogy becomes especially important for children—and for adults.
We spend so much time teaching children to be kind to others that sometimes we forget to teach them that they need to take care of their own bucket, too.
Resting, playing, spending time with people who make us feel safe, talking about our feelings, asking for help, getting outside, creating something, and taking a break when we're overwhelmed are all ways we can begin filling our own buckets.
Self-care isn't selfish. Sometimes filling your own bucket is exactly what allows you to have something left to give to someone else. This often reminds me of the oxygen mask analogy we hear during flight safety demonstrations: you must secure your own mask before assisting the person next to you. As parents, caregivers, and simply as human beings, it can feel counterintuitive to prioritize our own needs when we are so accustomed to looking after everyone else. But taking care of ourselves isn't taking something away from the people we love—it ensures we have the emotional energy, patience, and capacity to truly be there for them. When our own bucket is running low, we have less to pour into others. Taking the time to refill allows us to show up with more of ourselves to give.
What If My Bucket Is Empty?
If you notice that your bucket is feeling pretty empty, start small.
Ask yourself:
What do I need right now?
Maybe you need a hug.
Maybe you need to talk to someone.
Maybe you need some quiet.
Maybe you need to play.
Maybe you need to cry.
Maybe you need to take a break or vacation.
Maybe you need someone to remind you that you don't have to handle everything alone.
And for children, we can help them learn to recognize these feelings and put words to what they need:
"My bucket feels empty today."
"I need some quiet time, I want to play/be alone"
"I feel sad and I need a hug."
"I need help. I need you"
"I'm feeling frustrated/tired and I need a break."
These are important emotional skills that children can carry with them throughout their lives.
Let's Be Bucket Fillers
Being a bucket filler doesn't require grand gestures. In fact, some of the most meaningful bucket-filling moments happen in the ordinary parts of our day.
Smile at someone.
Tell your child you're proud of them.
Thank a teacher.
Check on a friend.
Invite someone to play.
Listen instead of immediately trying to fix.
Give someone the benefit of the doubt.
Say, “I'm here for you.”
And perhaps most importantly, teach our children that kindness is something we choose, even when we don't feel like it.
We will all have days when our buckets are overflowing and days when they feel nearly empty. That's okay.
The goal isn't to have a full bucket every single day.
The goal is to notice where our bucket is, take care of ourselves when it's running low, and look for opportunities to fill the buckets of the people around us.
Because you never really know how much someone might need the kindness you have to give.
So, today, ask yourself: Am I a bucket filler? And what is one small thing I can do to fill someone's bucket today? More importantly, what is something I can do to fill my bucket today?
